oh so quiet

I was unprepared for this single mom life I have found myself in. Nothing prepares you for it. You can do all the necessary things to prepare .... read books, talk with friends in similar situations, pray, hash it out with your therapist. But like everything else in life, until you are actually knee deep in it you don't really get it. I'm without my boys for a week at a time. Though I have grieved this, the sadness doesn't go away. I put off going in their room until the last possible moment. As I type this, their bed is stripped, their clean linens sitting impatiently on top waiting to be put on. Their room is a disaster. And in an hour or so I will drag myself into their room to prepare for the glorious week they are with me. Which begins today. Now that I am on my own, I have had to find myself yet again within this apartment that is too quiet at times. I like my alone time. I'm notorious for it. But being alone for a week has made this girl a bit squeamish. I've not yet mastered this life of providing for myself/cooking for myself/cleaning for myself. I feel a bit lost. This too shall pass...as all things do...and in a few weeks I'll be an expert at this quiet life. But for now, I'll leave their room a disaster and drink my coffee in uncomfortable silence.