right?...
"they don't tell you that she drove the prince crazy with her compulsive need to clean the castle." One of my favorite lines in "The Mirror Has Two Faces." Which should be mandatory watching material for anyone getting married. Along with this book. A jerk isn't just a dude. Women also can be jerks. I speak from experience.
Our society has molded us into little emotionally dysfunctional children. We don't like taking our time. We don't like being vulnerable. We don't like being honest about our feelings. We don't like to wait on good things. We throw tantrums when people hurt our feelings. We stomp around and throw things when our team loses. We are emotionally immature. But most of our decisions are based solely on our emotions.
What a complete cluster-----.
Our relationships have suffered enormously because of our ill-equipped ability to use our heads. We marry just because we "love" someone (whatever that means). We ignore red flags because they hold our hand during movies and are nice to our cat. Nevermind that 70% of our time is spent in agony over the relationship. Nothing about myself infuriates me more than this need to "feel good" at the cost of using my brain.
I am just pissed. And perhaps a Bitter Cat Lady (sans the cat).
Recently I was told a friend was getting married after dating her beau for 2 months. I had such a physical reaction I wasn't sure I would make it to the bathroom in time to hurl my breakfast. After the illness passed, I just became really sad.
What is it in us that is able to ignore our brains? Why are we so intent on belonging to someone that we completely neglect reason? Why do we appear seemingly blind when we are "in love"?
It's because we have done it all backwards. We haven't followed the basic rule of thumb for relationships because we weren't ever taught to follow it. We jump into bed and then create intimate relationships out of chaos and idiocy. We stifle the voice of reason (we'll call her Mathilda...that's just a good, solid, mature name) in order to get our temporary needs met. Our voice of emotion (let's call her Helen after Helen of Troy who launched a thousand ships ... let's all take a moment to bask in this ridiculousness) wins. Most of the time. Damn Helen.
There are countless books written on the importance of controlling your emotions and using your head. But none that come close to the brilliance of this book. Here's a model that he uses to gauge relationships:
The healthiest relationships know more than they trust, trust more than they rely, rely more than they commit and commit more than they touch.
I don't know about you, but I was basically doing it backwards. Helen certainly had me fooled while Mathilda remained silent.
So please, for the love of all our children and our future, instill in yourself and your kids this principal of what HEALTHY relationships are supposed to look like. I may be 40 with two failed marriages behind me, but I'm not too old to dance a jig once again...and this time Mathilda is my dance partner while Helen rides the bench.
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