Not YET!

In a study, students were taught that every time they tried "something new and difficult that pushed them out of their comfort zone the neurons in their brain can form new, stronger connections and over time they can get smarter.

In that study, students who weren't taught this growth mindset continued to show declining grades.  Those who were taught the study showed a sharp rebound in their grades."

Carol Dwecker said this in her Ted Talk The Power of Not Yet.

If we change "I've failed" to "I haven't accomplished it YET" perhaps our brains would get to the NOT YET faster...or perhaps if we didn't and just accepted failure as the outcome, we would never achieve the NOT YET.

I was walking with my boys while they rode their bikes and watched Brady continuously struggle to get going.  He recently learned how to ride his bike, and the take-off in the beginning proves to be the most challenging part.  I had listened to this Ted Talk today, so I just told him that it was difficult right now, but he would get it.  He just hadn't mastered it YET.  In the past, he would give up and cry and we would end up cutting our walk short.  This time, he got on his bike and pushed through the difficulty with the cutest look of determination on his face.

I breathed a sigh of relief that I hadn't FAILED in the past with my parenting, I just hadn't achieved greatness YET.  But in that moment, I felt like I had arrived.  I gave myself a little pat on the back and ran next to my two boys who were beaming with confidence.

Being divorced twice screams FAILURE.  Very loudly.  It perpetuates in my brain like a record that continuously skips.  I have FAILED at having a steady relationship.   I have FAILED at finding my life partner.  I have FAILED my kids.  I have FAILED my parents.  I have FAILED myself.

But if I translate that into NOT YET this is what it looks like:

Being divorced twice means I haven't found the right one YET.
I haven't achieved a steady relationship YET.
I haven't found my life partner YET.
I haven't YET achieved awesome parenting.
I haven''t YET achieved making my parents proud.
I haven't YET arrived.

I may not fully accomplish these things, but the challenge that I can makes me want to put on a headband to catch the sweat that will fall from my determined face.  And if I don't arrive, I'll die trying.

With my brain at full speed.