Sal Pal & Her Beanie

It's my sister-in-law's birthday today.  AKA Sal Pal/Sally.  She wears beanies and made up a song about it.  If you know her, please ask her to sing it.

She is just like her name.  Delightful.

I remember when my brother brought her home.  I was in my 20s. I immediately liked her.  And also, she induced trauma responses in me hard in my soul.  Of course I didn't have the language for it at the time.  So I translated it to judgment.  I viewed her with a critical (and envious/insecure) eye because I wanted to be like her.  She is beautiful.  Talented.  Skinny.  Energetic.  Smart.  Full of delight and mischief.  She's hip and stylish.  She's tender hearted and honest.  She radiates beauty.  Who wouldn't want to be her??  She reminded me of the girls I went to Baylor with that brought all my demons out.  Girls like Sally terrified me.  They seemed so lovely and NORMAL.

Assumptions are usually incorrect.  We misfire continuously.  We are all sending out messages and deciphering messages from people.  All. Day. Long.  Without information.  Or with old information.  We are just responding to what our bodies are telling us without knowing we're doing it and why.  It's exhausting.  

We are giving our bodies the control over our judgements.  People "rub us the wrong way" so we stay away from them and make assumptions without accurate information.  Our bodies respond because of past trauma. Our  brains tell us when to fight or flee or freeze.  Based on a time when that response was appropriate.

But that no longer serves us.  It is tearing us apart.  It is tearing our country and our world apart.

I gave a book to a boy.  He gave it back to me with a sticky on it that said, "5/1 Manifesting Generator."  Because this made no sense to me, I assumed he was asking me to join him in manifesting a generator by May 1.  So I did. I was manifesting that generator for him good by May 1. Until I learned what that actually meant.  It did not mean a thing you buy from Lowe's.

All my life I have been a seeker.  I am constantly peering into the lives of others and trying to find out what makes them tick.   I am fascinated by psychology.  And serial killers.  The mind fascinates me.  I fascinate myself.  I'm endlessly curious.  Like the cat.  Human Design was another rabbit hole for me to fall into with alarming speed.  (More animal analogies to follow. They're my favorite.)  I'm devouring it like I just found my lost puppy.   Puppies are the cutest.  The boy with the sticky was put there by design to introduce me to this concept at just this time.  I have no idea why, I'm just going with it, OK?

The Enneagram, Astrology, Meyers-Briggs, Kolbe....Human Design.  The list of tools to self-discovery is endless.  Written in totally different languages.  All essentially screaming the same thing.

WE ARE ALL DESIGNED DIFFERENTLY.  NOT GOOD OR BAD.  JUST DIFFERENT.

AND YET though we have this knowledge...We expect everyone to behave as we do.  We say we don't harbor these expectations, but it lives in our bodies...this constant repellant to others.  It doesn't decipher between good and bad, it just is because you made it so.  Judgement is the juxtaposition of love.  It is evil.

Anytime we judge another being as not good, we believe we are doing it for our mental health and safety. We are better and they are worse.  We believe that we are separating our souls from them because we don't want to be like them.  But what it does instead is create more isolation in our bodies.  It's not about the being that you are judging as unworthy of your personhood.  It's about what that judgement does to you both by merely existing.  These small increments of judgement chip away at your soul and replace what could be good with bad. They isolate you.

Evil is the epitome of isolation from humanity.  Exactly what a sociopath is.  And I love these guys.  Endlessly fascinating.  And disturbing.  And scary.  Happy Halloween.

The word Good according to google is from the Old English word "to unite, be associated, suit."  We can assume and make an ass out of u and me and say bad means the opposite.

Repelling others with judgement accomplishes the opposite of good.  It disconnects us in our bodies and our brains.  It separates our soul from other humans.  And it isn't exclusive only by who you believe in your head is evil.  It extends to every part of your body.  Every relationship you have is affected by what you believe is merely protection of yourself.  You are operating under old information that doesn't serve you anymore.  This disconnection to others we deem unworthy also disconnects us from those we love. 

We are killing ourselves in self-protection.  We are transforming the makeup of our bodies to be largely made of disconnected or "bad" cells.  I almost missed out on the beauty of Sal-Pal and her beanie because of my judgment and self-protection.

And we wonder why there is so much evil in the world.