I'm not a huge fan of dating at 40 with two little boys. It has got to be one of the most awkward things I have experienced thus far in my life. It's not the same as when you were single, when things less appealing were tolerated and not deal breakers. Every flaw is highlighted and examined until you as the scientist go cross-eyed with all the detail under the microscope.
Can they accept that I am an independent woman who has demands that won't involve them? Will they love my boys? Will I love his kids? Do they take care of themselves? Are they emotionally healthy and mature? Can they deal with my difficult relationship with my ex? Can I deal with theirs? Will they love me when I'm needy? Broke? Emotionally abandoned? Do they offer stimulating conversation? Am I attracted to them? Do they make me feel safe? Can they provide stability? Do I like their friends? Their family? Do we have enough in common? Is he educated? Does he love God? Will he be a good role model? How does he behave under stress? Does he have time for me? Do my friends like him?
After so many broken relationships is he willing to give himself to someone again? Am I?
This is just the short list.
Even though there is great caution in the experiment, the results are tenuous and fragile. One false move and the whole thing is contaminated. And you must begin. Again. And again. And again.
And maybe. Just maybe you can't conduct the experiment without contamination. And you have to just abandon the whole thing because there will never be a successful outcome.
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| I ain't doin' it. |
The microscope is full of organisms. And this scientist is exhausted.
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