F-Bomb Level Adult Content

I have a bit of difficulty being so freely myself because though I am an Enneagram 8*, I was raised to deny, deny, deny that part of you cuz good, Southern Baptist women don't behave that way, Jesus*. We are all supposed to be 2s.* (Look it up, Betty.*). But I have found life absent from the freedom to be yourself disappointingly insufferable. I kinda wish I could get in line and walk around with a big grin on my face that wasn't put there by anything that makes me grin currently, other than just being alive. But alas, I am not. And also, being your authentic self is so much more interesting. Totally worth the fear of what people will think or say. So I say...or Andre says: "It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not." – Andre Gide. Enneagram 8s likely have lots of haters because we don't behave.  Therefore, I feel the strong need to warn you before you read. (Perhaps I should have done this when I first started publishing my blog again. But it's a bit late for that, Nancy*... )

"A listener note: this episode contains adult content and is not suitable for everyone. Please be advised."

 
You may be wondering as I did while putting on a podcast with my boys in the car: "Shit. Are we talking F-bomb level adult content (which I allow them to say in the privacy of our home. Or car. Or outside. Anywhere, actually, where no one else hears it but us. I don't like the stink eye I get as a momma whose kid drops an F-bomb and laughs. And also, sometimes we yell it), or some awkward-sexual-term-I-will-have-to-explain-to-my-9-and-12-year-old-that-I'm-not-at-all-prepared-for-and-will-absolutely-fuck-up-and-they-will-be-bullied-because-they-got-it-wrong adult content? I need more details, Candice*.

 
I am F-bomb level appropriate, readers. Well, I can't promise that. Actually completely delete that. I am all of the warning labels. All I can promise is that I will deliver the raw, unfiltered view of this beautifully terrifying, endlessly fascinating life as I see it from my eyes. Well, actually I hate commitment so I can't promise you anything, so strike that also because sometimes I feel bullied into behaving. Mostly by my momma. Moving on. Whatever.  My view is an incredibly narrow view because I am one person in a world who has inhabited trillions of people. Well, who really knows the number, but that sounds like a safe bet. F-bombs, awkward sexual discussions, and other such dicey subjects will be dissected. So if it's not your thing, or perhaps you have known me my whole life and want to see me still as a little girl, which I get...prolly best to stop reading, Linda.*. I love you.

On to the real guts of the blog. (Yes, that was a long intro. I'm aware.)...

Charities that Help Single Mothers

Read through this list. From what I can tell, there is jack SHIT out there that helps single mothers.

Yet, single mothers are the backbone of this nation. (Also, as far as my little eyes in this big, fucking world can tell.)

So let me educate you on the problems a single mother face (well, all genders who are single parents. But I identify as a mother so I'm gonna write in my voice. You can identify as whatever you want. And also, it's my fucking blog.  Just change pronouns and titles in your head, Felicia.* No exclusivity here. It's rainbows and hugs, bitch.):

1. No free child care in a world that demands you show up whether your kid is sick or not. In the hospital or not. Not only is it NOT free. It's fucking expensive. And the ones that are not are incredibly run down. Nowhere anyone with money would send their kids.

22. Your child has to get to school by a certain time. The school doesn't provide early care. Your job requires you to be there at 8 a.m. Your child's school doesn't accept kids until 7:50 a.m. You have to make the decision to either a)be late everyday and likely lose your job or b)leave your five year old standing in front of the school without you. Or you be a little bitch and ask for help. Nobody likes this option, Jesus.*

3. Aftercare costs money. But you have to use it because you don't get off until 5 p.m. So you're rushing to the school to get both your kids from different schools by 5:30 and then immediately get charged $1 a minute. So the $85 after taxes you just made today? (put in your own number, Lucy.*) $20 of that went to aftercare for your kids.

4. By the time you get home, you have dinner to cook, laundry to do, homework to facilitate, baths to give, a dog to walk, phones to raid, cleaning to do, wine to drink. Not to mention your own things that are huge hurdles: you have to go to court in three days and it will take at least four hours to collect what you need so that you actually get some support. Even if it's just $100 a month that will only pay for two days of food for all of you. It's something, Peggy.*

1. You face the daily challenge of how you are going to pay your bills today. The ones that are past due. Nevermind the current ones. The bank has taken most of your money with their fees because you can't keep up with what you have coming in or going out. You make just enough to cover your bills. You set up AutoPay because your phone has been turned off so much you can't risk not doing it. But then you forget when it's supposed to come out because AutoPay benefits only those who are consistently in the black and not currently running around with their hair on fire. In fact, being in the red is something AutoPay people NEVER do. And they don't understand how you don't have all your bills on AutoPay. So you just stop attempting it because there's nothing there anyways. Which means your credit is shit.

6. You stay tired. Emotionally, physically, mentally tired. Like bone tired.

7. You stay fat. You don't have the energy to do anything other than what you are required to do and you don't have the money to buy organic food or vitamins or supplements or probiotics or a gym membership, not that you would ever go anyways. And your stress levels are so off the charts you just keep packing on the pounds though you eat only enough so you don't pass out, drink a shit ton of water every day, work your ass off cleaning houses, and are constantly worried about your weight. Weight gain is a symptom, Gina.* (My stressed out ass is now almost 20 pounds less than when I was in Louisiana living this lovely life of a single momma. Your body doesn't lie, Hildegard.*)

8. You drink too much. Yes, you spend money on alcohol. And various other God-given anti-anxiety meds. And you see the look on your parents' faces when they know you've bought alcohol and you're broke but you know that between you and that bottle lies a week of nightly, guaranteed, relaxation. OK, who are we kidding. One night, OK? It lasts one night. L.O.L. And you feel like shit the next day but fuck, you needed that.

9. You attempt to date because our lovely patriarchal society has told you that you need a man in order to be stable. So you dutifully give up hours of your Friday night making small talk with a man child who doesn't have kids but two weekends a month, voted Republican, has a million in retirement already, makes three times what you do because he's hot and confident and he's a white man and he is talking about all his trips and adventures and hobbies and work outs and is asking you what vacation you want to take next and whether you own your house while you stifle a giggle because the vacation you are dreaming of is in your kids' tub with a glass of wine in a run down rent house (you gave up hopes of owning your own years ago) that is quiet minus all the damn pets your kids love because your kids have finally spent the night with someone other than you while your date undresses you with his eyes completely oblivious to the dark circles and haphazardly done makeup as you drove to the date already 10 minutes late because your kids' dad was late again and you wonder if you remembered to shave cuz hopefully you'll get something out of this mind-fuck because you're starting to worry that batteries can make babies and hoping he doesn't spend the night so you can wake up alone in a quiet house. For once. All the while you are petrified of getting pregnant or getting an STI because we all know who the abortion laws support and you know damn well this man is not going to wear a condom. And he splits the bill. Did I mention white man privilege? And also, can you make yourself gay?

9. Your kids know how to cook and do laundry because you gave up that chore when you had to decide between paying bills or being a domestic slave.

 
11. You find yourself lonely in a room full of the dreaded soccer mom because they are talking about what's new on TikTok, how slow Amazon has become, their favorite lip gloss, complaints about their husbands, the best vegan recipe, what their church is doing to help the poor and they are all the while secretly eyeing you because they're a bit wary of single women...and you're poor.

12. You have fucking awesome kids.

*numbers are intentional cuz I don't do order.

*Enneagram Institute: https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/

**Nancy, Felicia, Jesus, Shirley, Hilary, Hildegard, Betty are all random names for comedic flare which makes me happy inside. I find it hilarious, and giggle loudly when I reread it but if you do not I'm sorry.  Not sorry.  You're welcome.

*Candice DeLong, host of Killer Psyche podcast