Hot Cup of Conscience

Conscience. Still small voice, superego, shame, censor, morals, duty, demur, scruples. All synonyms for conscience. I like them all except the shame one. Shame on that one.

Shame: noun. the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another: e.g. She was overcome with shame.

I heard myself saying to my 7 yr. old that he should be ashamed of how he treats his momma. It felt like lead on my tongue so I quickly told him that that wasn't the right thing to say. That I never wanted him to feel shame. I said maybe he should think about his behavior but it was not shameful to behave in a way that is unbecoming. Shame shouldn't have a place in your head.

I talk to them like they're adults sometimes. It's funny for all involved.

I have done a lot of research on shame in the past few years. It is an interesting beast of a concept. It is the root of most of our guilt but rarely spurs us into positive action. It creates in us an embarrassment about who we are, how we feel, and what we do. One of the synonyms for shame is self-disgust.

Yup. Adam and Eve hid from God when they were naked because they felt intense shame. These guys were all up in the bushes with leaves and plants all in their business. All because they were disgusted with themselves. Like we can hide from the One who made those plants and the crazy people hiding in them. The lengths we go to in order to hide our shame is astounding. We create distractions. We hide from our people. We blame others. We make poor choices. All as a result of our own self-loathing. It is a monstrosity without respect. It falls on the heads of great men, powerful women, the wealthy, the poor, the sick, the healthy. It is truly non-biased. Its tentacles reach into our relationships, our communication, our actions. It bleeds into our words and our thoughts. And causes paralysis. It offers nothing positive. It is a parasite.

Conscience, however, is my friend.

Conscience: the inner sense of what is right or wrong in one's conduct or motives, impelling one toward right action.

I like conscience. He pushes me to make good decisions. He hangs with me when I'm analyzing a situation and has great advice to offer. He guides me towards happy places with sunshine and flowers. He is good for all involved.

I dig Downton Abby. My momma and I watch it regularly and usually end up with a cup of hot tea. It's very difficult to sit through that show sans hot tea. It takes a great act of will. What I love so much about that show is their sense of conscience. It is often talked about...what's right and what's wrong. Integrity is something that most of the characters possess. And those without it are usually in the minority and not very popular. I wish that were the case in our "modern" society.

In my own life I have not necessarily looked for this trait...this unswerving devotion to what's good. Not intentionally at least. It is not a guide for my choice in friends or men. I find that I want to see goodness in everyone and often put on blinders as a result. It is not a great solution and certainly hasn't served me well. However, in my business I only hire those with a conscience because it makes them honest. I typically tell them at the interview that it is of the utmost importance that they never lie to me. If they're hungover, I ask them to resist making up some story about a bug that suddenly took over their body and just happens to coincide with a long night of tequila. I don't care that they drank irresponsibly. I care that they are honest enough to open themselves up to the consequences of their actions. This willingness to accept their screw ups makes them trustworthy. Honesty results in success in business. I had the wherewithal to perceive that at least. I'm not sure why that hasn't translated to my personal life up until now but let's just chalk it up to homegirl has been wearing very, very, very dark shades that were most likely purchased at Goodwill.

Downton Abby has served me well. I'll take a hot cup of conscience on a tray, please.