Seven Day Trial

One week...7 Days...168 Hours...70,560 minutes. That's how long I have to go without my boys being with me. Every other week. Divorce is an interesting, ominous beast. You lose your other half, along with his family that you adored. You lose time with your kids, along with the sole influence as their mother. But it's the missing them that is the absolute worse. I can't go in their rooms when they're gone without being overcome with sadness. If I find a toy, again with the sadness. Clothes? Forget about it. Their little underwear? Totally slay me. I didn't handle this separation well early on. I found solace in bars and unlikely companions. Being home hurt too badly so I was out all the time. I felt lost and confused. I was trying to make my way without being a mom. Had I known at the time that I was avoiding the inevitable, perhaps I would have just hunkered down and waded through the emotion so I didn't waste precious time and energy on the boogey men (a.k.a. bad decisions) that likely wanted me dead. But emotions are sneaky things. We underestimate their sneakiness. But they do find you. And they stalk you until you face them directly. So I ventured into Graham and Brady's room one time when they were gone. I held one of Brady's blankets and Graham's shirt and cried til I couldn't cry anymore. I yelled at God and cried. He was crying with me I'm sure. But that was the first step to repairing my broken heart. And I eventually started to find my way. I got a new breath of adventure in my spirit. I started remembering things that I enjoyed doing when I was younger. I read a lot. I sat at the lake and wrote a lot. I listened to music with the lyrics in front of me so I could interpret the song (I did this incessantly when I was in college...mostly to Pearl Jam songs). I started playing the piano again (though homegirl had to reteach herself with Brady's books), I clung to my family and friends that support me and love me despite my brokenness. I renewed my drive to make my business succeed. I started picking up odd jobs to make ends meet. I started building a business with Plexus and found an incredible group of women had been there all along, ready to cheer me on. I found Jesus somewhere in the middle of that again...And realized He still thought I was pretty cool. Seven days is how long it took God to create the earth (aside from the day He took a nap). I suppose that in this seven day trial for me, I am also being recreated.