Shallow Roots

I was listening to all the different memories and stories the staff had of my dad.  It was an emotional moment.  With each church, there was a similar goodbye.  I wanted to tell them all that they had accurate pictures of him...he was the same man at home as he has been through the duration of his career.  But my tears wouldn't allow it.

Only five more Sundays until my dad officially retires.  The closer it gets the more discombobulated I feel.  Twenty years ago I settled here because my sister lived two hours away and was pregnant with her first baby...my first niece.  This was home because they were here.   I could have settled in Texas where most of my extended family was.  I probably would have had a better career.  I probably would have married a man more similar to me.  I probably would not have divorced.

Or I could have made the same mistakes and been divorced twice.

The infamous "what if" game.

When Mike and I were married I wasn't terrified about my parents retiring because I had him and all his family.  He has solid roots and I got to be a part of that third generation New Orleanian family.

Never would I have thought that I would be in this position....divorced, raising two boys alone....when my parents moved.

But that's kind of how life rolls.

You can't anticipate much.

I've lived in a multitude of places and cities.  Moving never scared me when I was younger.  I could make good friends wherever I went.  I am supremely curious by nature and not afraid to meet new people. But now that I have two little boys to consider, moving is terrifying, my curiosity is not as heightened, and the thought of meeting new people gives me pause.  Being left behind ... equally terrifying.

The reality is that I will live out my 40s in a city that I adopted.  The reality is that my roots are not deep.

The reality is that my challenge for the next ten+ years will be to make this city my home...without my parents.  And to choose happiness despite the tears.  And despite the roots.  Or lack thereof.

And for once, stay long enough ON MY OWN to let my roots grow.  For the sake of two little boys who deserve to have roots.

https://youtu.be/PUdyuKaGQd4
No Roots

I like digging holes and hiding things inside them

When I'll grow old, I hope I won't forget to find them

'Cause I've got memories and travel like gypsies in the night

I build a home and wait for someone to tear it down

Then pack it up in boxes, head for the next town running

'Cause I've got memories and travel like gypsies in the night

And a thousand times I've seen this road

A thousand times

I've got no roots, but my home was never on the ground

I've got no roots, but my home was never on the ground

I've got no roots uh uh uh uh

I've got no roots uh uh uh uh

I like standing still, but that's just a wishful plan

Ask me where I come from, I'll say a different land

But I've got memories and travel like gypsies in the night

I count gates and numbers, then play the guessing game

It's just the place that changes, the rest is still the same

But I've got memories and travel like gypsies in the night

And a thousand times I've seen this road

A thousand times

I've got no roots, but my home was never on the ground

I've got no roots, but my home was never on the ground

I've got no roots uh uh uh uh

I've got no roots uh uh uh uh

I like digging holes

Hiding things inside them

When I'll grow old

I won't forget to find them

I like digging holes

Hiding things inside them

When I'll grow old

I won't forget to find them

I've got no roots

No roots

I've got no roots, but my home was never on the ground

I've got no roots, but my home was never on the ground

I've got no roots uh uh uh uh

I've got no roots uh uh uh uh