Oceans of Small Decisions

https://youtu.be/1m_sWJQm2fs







My sons and I went on the Global Wildlife tour with my friend and her son who is 3.  On the car ride there, I realized how close Graham and her son were in their communication and interactions.  Graham is 2 solid years older.  But they behaved in similar ways.  It affirmed my belief that Graham is his own special version of a 5 yr.old.

With this realization came the other realization...homeboy should NOT be in the church service with me.  I fought his inability to behave in church for a while.  I kept telling myself that he is capable of behaving in Mass at school, so surely he can sit still in the Baptist service.

This was a test that homeboy did not pass.

I'm sure my church is happy that I have conceded to the fact that he can't keep it together in church.  The many times he had to get up.  The many fits he has thrown.  All super disruptive.  So momma gave up.  This is a battle I will not win.

I took him to the nursery Sunday and almost didn't go back in with Brady.  But they were playing my song.  So in we went.

That 5 minutes was by far the best moment I spent with my oldest all week.  He snuggled up to me.  And then I heard him singing.

There are so many times I feel like I'm not doing anything right as a mom.  I get easily frustrated.  The boys jump.  Constantly.  Their feet do not stay long on the floor.  I do not handle this constant motion well.  They spill stuff.  Everywhere.  And look at me in fear to see if I saw.  I do not handle messes well either.  I skip reading time sometimes just because I'm being selfish and just want them to go to bed already.  I worry that my bad moments will exceed my good moments.

Like exposing them to good music.  Music about Jesus and love and fear and life.  They know good music.  They know who Michael Jackson is.  And Kenny Chesney.  And Pearl Jam.  And Aretha Franklin, Stevie Wonder, U2...and maybe Justin Bieber a little.  Ok, I may be slightly obsessed with the Biebs.  So they know him well.  But you know, whatever.

Hearing our voices together that day singing a song we both love about Jesus ... Visa cannot buy that crap.  That 5 minutes changed me.  And to think I almost hung in the lobby.  #smalldecisions