I'm a New Orleans Girl....?

The older I get, the more I become reticent to stay in the city.  Perhaps it is because my parents will soon be gone and residing in wide, open spaces.  And when they go, they'll be taking a piece of me.  Perhaps it is the level of noise and stress my soul is able to absorb.  Maybe it's because I have boys who are loud and messy and need room to run.  Maybe it's because deep down I have always been a country girl.  Whatever the reason, I have grown tired of the hustle and frequent unecesaary bustle.

I love New Orleans.  I moved here when I was 19 with my family and stayed for a semester to be with my brother in his senior year in high school.  For the first year, I hated it.  It was dirty.  And loud.  And inefficient.  Not like Texas at all.  But after that first year, I must've left a small crack open in my heart for something crept into my personality and injected it with an intense love for the city.  And when I was deciding where to land after my many adventures post-college, this place called me persistently.

Chris Rose said of New Orleanians, "We dance even if there's no radio. We drink at funerals. We talk too much & laugh too loud & live too large, and, frankly, we're suspicious of others who don't."

This is a part of my personality.  You can always count on Rebekah to make the party lively.  I live hard and loudly.  And yes, I am highly suspicious of those who don't.

I am dating a man who is through and through Cajun country.  He drives like a grandpa and naps frequently (granted, the man works long and hard).  He is the equivalent of a Texas country boy sans boots (though he is the owner of a very large, Texas-sized belt buckle).  He behaves like a Texas man...quick to care for all the women in his life and slow to care for himself.

This discovery about my personality was a bit of a shock.  As much as I love being the independent woman who can live alone and take care of her damn self, I am just a bit exhausted of the scene.  It's been shot.  I have done the re-takes and the edits.  I have lived life on my own, explored all avenues of the many possibilities that could be my life as a single mom.  I've done it.  And still, I crave to just play the role of wife/mom/daughter/sister/friend/school volunteer/sunday school teacher (ok, maybe not the last one...that was my most hopeful self writing that).  I may be the life of the party, but I crave the stillness.  I just went outside to bask in the day ahead and instead was greeted with cars speeding by, electricity poles and wires, street lights, and no stars.  Needless to say, the basking did not take place.

I suppose the two reside within me...the need to be still and the need to live loudly.  The need to be independent and the need to be taken care of.  The need to see stars and the need to see people.

The older I get, the more that independent, live life loudly girl is fading.  New Orleans doesn't quite have the same appeal it used to.

I'm not too sad to see her go.  She's had a good run.