Nine. Long. Years.

I have been a business owner for 9 years.  I've had countless employees whose livelihoods depended on me.  I worked to make sure their families were fed, their schedules were conducive to their family schedules, their work rewarded.  For nine years I have paid them before I paid myself.  Nine. Long. Years.

I had multiple people along the way tell me to close my business.  It cost me too much emotionally.  It drained my finances.  It was unpredictable.  But I kept pressing on.

I pressed on because the appeal of being the boss fed my ego.  I  pressed on because it was who I was....a business owner who managed the people who did the actual work.  It was rewarding and fulfilled me.  For a long time.

One of the first Facebook posts

That time has come to an end.  Being a boss has not been the joy it once was.  I have tried to find contentment in my work to no avail.  It is simply not there for me to partake of anymore.  I am tired.  I suppose it is because my livelihood solely rests on my shoulders now.  I do not have a companion to contribute.  It's me alone.  And the weight of having to sustain myself, my two boys, and my employees is too big of a load for me to bear.

And my ego has become a silent child sitting on the bench of a big game.  It's the last one to play.

My A String is now my boys.  And my boys need a momma that isn't worried about anyone else but them.  They need a present momma who spends her emotional energy on them.  I love to clean, anyways.  And that simple pleasure was replaced by an ego that now demands more than I care to give.

The Nine Years' War in 1688 is often considered the first global war.  Mine has definitely been global.  Rebekah Global.

Nine. Long. Years.  My white flag has gone up.