Bully or Maiden

My sons are very different...one is fidgety, anxious, hyper intelligent, thoughtful.  The other is enigmatic, wary, jolly, sensitive. 

Graham goes to multiple doctors.  He is entering kindergarten next year, or is supposed to, and so I am in full investigative mode.  He has testing from education professionals.  He has neurologist appointments.  Geneticist appointments.  He will undergo a psychological evaluation, a neurological eval, an EEG.  He is currently in a private school, but his needs supersede the school's abilities at this point.  The decision to change schools is being discussed.

I had to have a talk with Brady about Graham's behavior.  Brady is prone to tease his little brother if he acts in a way that is immature or irritating.  But we are all scratching our heads at some of his behaviors...because it is possibly because he can't help it as a result of brain damage or that's just who he is.  Who knows what the answer is.  Either way, we all have to be aware of the possibility of deficits and invoke more patience than we previously have.

But our boy is amazing.  He is hilarious and vibrant.  He lights up a dark room.  He attracts smiles and energy wherever he goes.  He is loved by most.  Graham was not given the deficit of an awkward personality.  He is delightful.

In the midst of all of this, I am somewhere without a life jacket.  I have amazing parents.  And friends.  But there are times when a companion is sorely missed.  My car makes weird noises.  Or I forget to change the oil.  Or I have to get a ladder to change the light bulb.  Or my plumbing is backed up.  Or I have heavy things to take down from the attic.  Or I simply need a hug from a large man who can shoulder my worries.  And give me CPR when I'm gasping for air.

I think this is perhaps what makes being single so difficult.  I am a strong, independent woman with a lot going on.  While simultaneously I'm a scared little girl who has no idea how to change a tire.

My sons are very different from each other...as are my two sides.  I'm the bully and the maiden.  It all depends on the day.