I wish I could translate accurately the amount of joy we had in that moment. I could not stop laughing. My workers couldn't stop laughing. For just a moment, we had reached a peak place of happy.
It made me remember when Graham was in the PICU and I was lower than I had ever been. I hid in the bathroom to cry when people came to see us. I couldn't stop crying and sometimes I just didn't want others to see. Yet in the midst of that, two of my best girlfriends came to town and forced me to go home to sleep in my own bed. We danced to Graham's now theme song "Roar" by Katy Perry, drank too much wine, laughed until our sides hurt, cried, and all fell asleep in my king sized bed.
In the midst of the darkest moment of my life, I found joy.
If we close in ourselves in our pain and misery, we miss the beauty. We miss that our kids are hugging us tightly. We miss that the candle we just lit smelled up the whole house. We miss that the ice water satisfies our thirst. We miss that we just got enough money to pay a bill on its due date. we miss that cheeseburgers are amazing (I'm on DAY 3 of this KETO CLEANSE NONSENSE and have been eating bone brother and drinking black coffee, hot tea and water ONLY...oh cheeseburger, how much I love thee...let me count the ways....). We miss that our dog is super soft after going to the groomer. We miss that turning the heater on in the morning is delightful to our cold bones. We miss that birds are super amazing in their flight patterns.
We just miss too much when we are immersed in our pain.
Beauty in the midst of pain is one of the ways our pain eventually subsides. It's like letting in sunshine in a dark cave. Eventually the sunshine will entice us enough to walk outside, leaving the dark and musty cave behind.
I can't tell you that the tears don't threaten to fall when I think about my baby in the ICU. I can't tell you that I will ever get over that pain. But I can say firmly that God made something beautiful out of that pain. Whether it's riding in the car with your workers during a long day of cleaning toilets or dancing with your friends, joy will find you. Don't miss it.
Roar by Katy Perry
https://youtu.be/CevxZvSJLk8
I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath
Scared to rock the boat and make a mess
So I sat quietly, agreed politely
I guess that I forgot I had a choice
I let you push me past the breaking point
I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything
You held me down, but I got up (hey!)
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, your hear that sound
Like thunder, gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up
Get ready 'cause I had enough
I see it all, I see it now
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter
Dancing through the fire
'Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
'Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar!
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
You're gonna hear me roar!
Now I'm floating like a butterfly
Stinging like a bee I earned my stripes
I went from zero, to my own hero
You held me down, but I got up (hey!)
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, your hear that sound
Like thunder, gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up
Get ready 'cause I've had enough
I see it all, I see it now
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter
Dancing through the fire
'Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
'Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar!
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
You're gonna hear me roar!
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
You're gonna hear me roar!
Roar, roar, roar, roar, roar!
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter
Dancing through the fire
'Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
'Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar!
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
You're gonna hear me roar!
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
You're gonna hear me roar!
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