There was a tremendous amount of laughter. I was surrounded by my favorite people who each laugh loudly and often. My dad is known for his laugh. My mom cries when she laughs (and sometimes her drink comes out in dribbles). My brother emulates my dad's laugh and my sister and I follow suit. My brother and sister in law keep us all laughing and are no stranger to joy themselves. There was a lot of laughing happening over this holiday. I had eaten many huge, amazingly satisfying meals. Followed with pie. Lots and lots of pie. My kids were happier than I've seen them in a while. They mirrored my sentiment.It dawned on me in the midst of the monopoly games and laughter and stream of food that this was the third Thanksgiving I had gone without a significant other. And yet I was truly happy. My boys were truly happy.
Life is interesting like that. There is no set formula for happiness or contentment. It's different for everyone. It comes in waves and settles over you without your knowledge mostly. You're just you...living your life...trying not to die or kill your kids in the process. And then you have an Ah-Ha! moment where you realize you are genuinely happy. "How and when did this occur?" you think to yourself.
The answer is subtly. It's made up of small moments of goodness. It's the result of daily habits that build your spirit. It's the result of small decisions that increase your quality of life. It's a combination of rest, activity, and thought. Lots and lots of thought.
I don't believe that people change overnight. I don't believe in immediate transformation. I believe that their lives were adjusting to the Ah-Ha! moment God knew was on its way. I believe that whether they acknowledged it or not, their brains were working hard to eliminate pessimism and ugliness. They were making small changes that led to a large change ... a moment they wouldn't forget ... a moment they attribute to their great change.
My friend and I were discussing the nuances of my struggle since my divorce. She asked why I made certain decisions and all I could tell her was I was lonely and scared. And felt defeated.
At some point that changed. At some point, I no longer felt defeated...or perhaps I felt less defeated. A little more each day. Gradually. And then my brain went to work to affirm that was true.
Our brains work hard to affirm our core beliefs. Thank goodness for the ability to change a core belief.
My core beliefs are now something like this: I am loved. I am not alone. I am worthy of goodness. I am honest and kind. I am beautiful. I am a hard worker. I can do all things thru Jesus. I am not defeated.
Yes, I still have the occasional ugly thought that likes to settle in my brain. For a time. He tells me I am not worthy of good things. He tells me I am unlovable and worthless. He tells me my life is hard because I am difficult.
But what's amazing about changing your script is you recognize those negative thoughts quickly and have the ability to shove them out the door like an unwanted house guest who has just brought his entire, stinky, un-showered, loud, obnoxious family into your peaceful, immaculate living room.
They are just out of place. And everyone knows it.
I have always been that girl that laughs a lot. I find something to laugh about in most situations. Even when it's inappropriate....like a funeral...sigh. When I'm feeling down, my favorite thing to do is google funny memes and I instantly feel better. I like laughter.
I wonder if that has attributed to my joy now. My guess is MOST DEFINITELY YES.
It may have been sneaky in its delivery. It may have taken more time than I would have liked to bring about significant change, yet here we are, Linda. Sitting in our peaceful, immaculate living room filled with laughter and working hard to keep out the stinky house guests. They need to invest in some Dove and Meyers laundry detergent. And until they have dressed and showered appropriately, they have no place in my living room.
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