Ephesians 4:32
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
We were late. The boys and I had been up since 5:00 a.m., but we were still rushing out the door for school at 7:15. A suspicious smell hit me, and my temperature rose as I realized what it was. Dog poop. I started looking around for the culprit only to find that there was a trail from the front door to my boys' bathroom. I quickly grabbed my sons and checked their shoes. The guilty one looked at me with angst and expectation...waiting for the crazy person within me to appear.
I did not disappoint him. The crazy person did indeed appear.
After we figured out the source, we were all scrambling to remedy the stink. Clothes and rugs were thrown in the wash, shoes had to be changed. The front porch had to be rinsed. We were a mess of activity.
I heard my crazy self say to them, "I'm a single momma and I need you boys to help me!!!"
Not my finest moment.
Once we were finally in the car, I took a deep breath and looked back at my precious boys. Their faces were stressed and tight. I had caused that.
I would like to say that I never, ever respond like a crazy person. And I certainly never cause my boys stress. I would like to say that I am merry and bright like freakin' Christmas 24/7. I would like to say that I handle stress and being late and poop messes like Mother Teresa.
But I would be lying. And I am many things, but liar is not amongst them.
Unfortunately, the opposite is true at times. I'm wound tight often and do not have the tolerance for anything unexpected or unpleasant. I am in my own world of efficiently functioning at my maximum capability, and find obstacles to be an incredible nuisance to this high gear I'm driving in.
Kids...a.k.a. obstacles.
The beauty of failing miserably is the opportunity I get to ask for forgiveness.
I reached back to hold their hands and said, "I'm so sorry I was such a lunatic. Can you forgive me?"
Their faces softened and quickly said, "yes, momma. It's ok."
Forgiveness changes relationships. Forgiveness softens hearts and opens up vulnerable communication. Forgiveness is the epitome of who Jesus is. Forgiveness IS Jesus.
I've often said that relationships aren't close unless there is a time when forgiveness is necessary. Opening up to someone means exposing yourself...the good, the bad, the ugly. It means letting someone in to see our hearts. It means the need to be truly yourself outweighs the need to hide. Our true selves are not always roses.
In this world of dating in your 40s, forgiveness is sparse. Our hearts have become so damaged after being broken over and over again that we are closed off and intolerant of mistakes and differences. One false move typically means you've lost the interest of the other party and there are 100 women or men behind you eager to have a chance. And one of them will play it right and get the guy/girl while you flounder in your mess of attempts at romance. And swear that you won't screw up again. You'll save that for marriage.
And we wonder why marriages don't last.
The friends and family with whom I have had conflict, thus the need to ask forgiveness, are those most precious to me. Because they trusted my heart. They knew my heart. Our relationship was too precious to them to let an unforgiving spirit divide us. So they forgave me.
If we never have to apologize, we are either daft in our knowledge of ourselves, or we are withholding large parts of our hearts.
Neither one of those is who I want to be, so as long as I have breath I will ask for forgiveness. And pray that I don't damage my boys too badly along the way. And that dog poop will stay outside where it belongs.
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