My boys and I have been forming our own little unit since my parents moved. We are closer than we have ever been. They rely on me more than they ever have. There is no one to catch me if I fall in the way only parents can catch you.
We drove by their old house the other day, at the insistence of my 5 yr. old. We were all quiet as we passed by...each of us most likely flooded with memories of feeding the chickens, swinging, sitting in front of the fire, playing basketball, frying turkeys, drinking coffee on the patio. Silence and memories hung in the SUV like the damp.
Those memories of sweet fellowship are a part of who we were created to be. God created us to be in close relation with others. He created us with this deep need for fellowship and belonging. He created us in His image...and His greatest desire is to walk closely with us.
With the state of affairs now, there is typically no single person that will walk with you throughout your life. Your close relationships typically shift from person to person. There was a time in my life when my sister was my closest companion because we lived together. Husbands, roommates, boyfriends, parents, siblings ... all took their place in my life as my closest relationship at different times. My relationship with God, however, was always the underlying current. Whether I acknowledged Him or not, He knew me better than anyone. He should have always been my closest relationship because of His intimate knowledge of me and His incomprehensible love for me. But being the stubborn girl who has to try everything out for herself, I did not stay by His side.
Our bodies are fascinating machines. They can take quite a bit of beating and still function. However, when we function without doing what's best for our bodies, our bodies tell on us. We gain fat instead of muscle, our sleep suffers, we develop disorders and diseases, our skin ages, our muscles ache, our bones creak, our brain chemistry changes. We are still functioning, but not at our maximum ability. We are just getting by. We continue to make poor decisions about our health because we don't know how we are SUPPOSED to feel. We have accepted that we feel like crap most days because we don't know any different.
This is parallel to our need for Jesus. We can still function without Him. We can still find happiness. We can still find wealth. We can still have close relationships. We still laugh and cry and enjoy life. We still find love. But we are missing out on the ultimate experience of being human. We have settled for less than great. We focus on what we THINK will make us happier than we've ever been (like my miserable attempts at romance) but the truth is the opposite. We make decisions based on temporary emotions and fleeting needs. We end up making it more difficult on ourselves to find those things by denying who God is. But like our decisions about our health, we don't know what it feels like to be the best version of ourselves. We just accept that this sub-par life is how we are supposed to feel. These sub-par relationships are good enough.
God is not a set of rules and regulations. He's not a mean puppet master ready to whack us into submission. He is simply the best course we could ever choose to take. He knows it. We just don't. He is our most healthy life. He is our fullest life. He is the epitome of goodness and wholeness. He is our most complete self.
When I am contemplating eating crap instead of good food, I get this flash of how I'm going to feel in a few hours (or minutes). I know I will be dragging. I know I will want to sit and not finish my To Do list. I know I'll likely sleep less and I will be more restless.
Likewise, I know when I make decisions that are less than great I am also doing it with the knowledge that I'm cheating myself of greatness. I send that text or agree to that date. I spend time with that person who brings out terrible traits in me. I watch that disturbing movie or listen to that creepy podcast about a serial killer. I take a nap instead of go for a run. I eat the crap anyways, with the full knowledge that it will not make me feel like the best version of myself. All for the temporary satisfaction to my taste buds or my ego. Or because it mirrors how I'm feeling about myself in that moment.
God is always the better option because He created us. He KNOWS us. He knows exactly what decisions will lead us to be the best version of ourselves and which ones won't. It's not out of spite that He gives us discernment when making decisions. It's love. It's always been love.
As my boys and I set out on this path to find another church home, we go in search of our individual greatness. I want the fullest of lives for them and I'm trusting that we'll find it as long as we stay close to our Author and Creator. Relationships may come and go, but He's not going anywhere. Our relationship with Him translates to our most complete self. Without Him, we are living a life doomed to mediocrity. And they're worth more than that.
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