Rebekah the Harsh Slave Master

My dog Sadie was the shyest one in the litter.  I always go for the shy ones because they are typically easier to train and not as rambunctious.  Being a puppy, however, she has a great deal of energy.  Homegirl chases her own tail.  She tears up everything she can get her mouth on.  She digs in my laundry and puts holes in our clothes.  She swings on the kid swing.  She is constantly on the go.

However, since she is innately shy and unsure of herself, she is fearful of me...her Alpha Dog.  If she hears my voice raise slightly, she cowers in the corner.  Or pees.

This behavior drives me absolutely nuts.  The cowering I can handle, though that means she is slow to come to me when I call her.  But the peeing ... all over the house ... because she's scared of me ... heavy sigh.

I handled this phenomenon poorly.  I yelled louder.  I put her in her kennel.  I put her outside.  I punished her.

The behaviors got worse.

So this week after a peeing mess that I was cleaning up, I suddenly got it.  Her neurosis was MY FAULT.

I called her to me, and after she peed again, she came to me with her head down.

I hugged her and petted her for a good while and just kept telling her I was sorry.  It wasn't her fault...it was mine.  We had a really sweet moment.  (Though I immediately bathed because homegirl STUNK).

Instead of yelling, I started affirming her.  I softened my tone.  I petted her often and frequently.  I played with her.  I got on the floor with her.  I even let the stinky homegirl in my bed while I read (only for 20 minutes cuz there's not much I like less than dog hair in my bed but A for effort).

Her transformation was remarkable.  I can't say she doesn't ever pee when she's scared, but she pees a lot less and it has not happened inside, only outside.  Her little body is still a bit hesitant when I call her to me, but she comes to me instead of cowering in the corner.

Dogs respond better with encouragement and tenderness.  People respond better with encouragement and tenderness.

DUH.

It's amazing how our brains can have the knowledge yet it remains untapped because we have not had to use it in that context.

I was reading last night.  This heavy book about self discovery.  And I said to myself, "OK, my girl, it's time to put this book down.  You've read enough to chew on for the night."

I got up and went to brush my teeth and it dawned on me.  I had just called myself, "my girl."

The relief and raw joy that flooded over me was marvelous.  I had finally learned to love myself.  In that split second, the term of endearment, "my girl" came naturally to me.  I wasn't thinking about what I was saying.  It was already there.

I have heard many times that we are supposed to love ourselves before we can truly love anyone else.  I don't believe this is entirely true, because loving yourself is not an easy thing to accomplish for some and that does not translate to a lack of love for others.  However, loving yourself opens up a world of unbroached, intellectual emotion.  It allows you to love deeper.  To forgive quicker.  To view people with kindness and empathy instead of judgment and pessimism.  It is like the ocean.  Yes, there are beautiful things to find on the shore, but if you go into the depth of the water....sheer beauty.

Sadie and I are both on the road to recovery from being beat up by yours truly.  Rebekah has been one harsh slave master.  She has scolded, yelled, accused, blamed, punished, chastened, lectured, spanked enough for one lifetime.  I have put myself in time out for too long.

We have some untapped growth to do that can only come with encouragement and kindness.

These girls are ready to lift their heads in confidence, and rise.